I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His nipple licking is glorious
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