im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
