Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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