You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
