I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
