i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is Oprah even human
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
