I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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