I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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