As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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