Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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