DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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