I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
