Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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