I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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