Im at strip club and am horny
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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