all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
