I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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