What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
