I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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