You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You pole danced in your parka.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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