Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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