OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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