im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
40s are totally the cure
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
