i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
