I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my shit smells like andre
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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