is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
