smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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