omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
