Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
