The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
