i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
