Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
