Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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