Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
