I think I died a long time ago.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it's like iHOP with fire
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
