I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
