i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
