Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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