Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
