Will you blow on my dice?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
