I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
