we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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