Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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