OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
