So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
