I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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