A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
