What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
organizing the empties. That sober.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wear drunk well.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
