i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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