On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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