i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
