Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
