My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
