So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
